The Growth We Choose For Ourselves

Why development becomes different when ownership begins

Development happens constantly for the leaders I work alongside. Through coaching, leadership programs, mentoring, structured frameworks and formal learning opportunities, there is no shortage of investment in growth. Much of this work is thoughtful, well designed and genuinely valuable.

Yet something else happens quietly in the months that follow.

The growth that lasts is rarely the growth someone else prescribed. More often, it is the growth a person chose for themselves.

When someone decides what they want to focus on, the experience becomes different. The decision belongs to them. It reflects their timing, their circumstances and their understanding of what matters most in that moment. With that decision comes a level of ownership that cannot be assigned by a manager, a coach or a development program.

The part of growth no one else can define

Charles Manz, one of the pioneers of self-leadership research, describes self-leadership as the process of influencing and directing ourselves toward meaningful goals while managing the discipline required to achieve them.

What I have always found interesting about that idea is how personal growth truly is.

Every leader carries a unique set of experiences, challenges and aspirations. One person may be preparing for a difficult conversation. Another may be stepping into a larger leadership role. Someone else may be learning to lead through uncertainty or build greater confidence in their decision-making.

From the outside, these goals may not always be visible. Yet they shape where energy and attention naturally want to go.

No one understands that context more completely than the individual living it.

When the choice is genuinely their own

I have worked alongside leaders who reached a point where they deliberately decided to focus on their own growth, not because anyone assigned it, but because something inside them, and often something in their circumstances too, made that choice feel necessary.

That decision was intentional. It came from specific internal and external motivators unique to each person, a shift in role, a private sense of readiness, a moment that made growth feel like the right thing to prioritise right now.

What I noticed most was what happened after the decision itself. They took genuine ownership of the steps that followed, not because a plan required it, but because the direction was theirs.

A question worth sitting with

The leaders I have seen grow the most consistently are not always the ones with the most detailed development plans.

They are often the ones who have developed a strong sense of ownership over their own growth. They return to it repeatedly because it connects to something they genuinely care about improving.

That ownership becomes its own source of motivation.

As I have reflected on this recently, I keep returning to a simple question. If you had complete freedom to shape the next stage of your own growth, what would you choose to focus on?

Most leaders already know the answer.

There is often something they have been thinking about for some time. A capability they want to strengthen. A habit they want to develop. A challenge they know they are ready to tackle.

In my experience, those answers are worth paying attention to.

Because the growth we choose for ourselves often becomes the growth that stays with us.